Maybe i’ll get it right the next time
I do it over and over again, all the while knowing that nothing good.. well nothing positive will come of it.
Even though at the time i seem to need and even require
the small amount of attention i get from playing
this little game over and over again. Maybe the word “game” is not good choice of words, but none the less i always seem to lose when engaged in this sort of activity, so maybe it is a game after all.
Ever since becoming obsessed with Tammy, the secretary to
one of my customers, i search for excuses to make my way to
the office she works at…mostly it would seem that my customer has found more reasons of is own to have me at his office, and i treasure each and every one of them! Tammy is an attractive 35 year old single mother of 4. if you had asked me my thoughts of her after our first meeting…. I am sure that i wouldn’t have had much to say other than that she seemed a bit aloof, quite overworked, and overall didn’t have much to say to me personally. I must be a confused person… or maybe completely out of touch with reality, but for what ever the reason, i feel as if there something happening between us. We have spent a lot of time together, in and out of the office, we have alot in common and there is more. Oh i am not saying we are dating, or have even gone out, at but i think she is sending me signals….. most times i think they are mixed, she still does this thing when we are working close together where she will lean in on me, and a few times i have caught her looking at me, and being at a loss for words i blurt out “what?” And more and more the topic of sex finds it’s way into our conversation. And lately there has been some physical play between us, but on the flip side more than once i have heard her say that she doesn’t want a boy friend, and if she was to get involved
with a guy it would only be for sex with out emotional ties! To me this seems quite to the contrary to how i see her as a woman, but maybe that is the signal she is sending to ward off my unwanted advances. And all i know is that i do not know anything about women, and looking at my past, all i have to go on is that she, like almost all of the other women from my past isn’t into me as all. Yeah i have had a few girl friends in the past…. actually 3 in my 43 years on this planet…and that being said, they were the ones to let me know where i stood, and that they wanted me…..So if i know anything, it is that i do not have a clue, and on top of it, i don’t take rejection very well at all…. So i guess you can say that i am fucked when it comes to the opposite sex! So all i do is go out of my way to be helpful to her, and hope for a signal that
is so easy to read that i won’t have to guess at what she is really thinking! In the end all i can think of is that the definition of Insanity is: Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result!
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