Razor Blades, Blisters and Time

иконописikoniI battle the voices in my head on a daily basis….
sometimes all i can do is lay down and go to sleep and
let my subconscious take me somewhere else.

I live my life vicariously through the television, music and musings of my past..although i long for a normal life with a wife, children and all of the other so called normal trappings, i know those things are not for me. They take some sort of inner will or character i do not posses.

Ah i need to lay down and go to sleep…. maybe i will dream about the woman i love….

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More and more I make it a point to dream for less.
It’s so much easier that way..

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It’s raining like a mother-fucker..I’m cold, kinda hungry, and totally fucked!

Here i am in public bathroom in Balboa Park in San Diego California, it’s around midnight, i got no where to go after running away from home again for like the hundredth time.. Don’t ask me why i do it, i just do..maybe it’s so i can chase the dragon without interruption from anyone..I don’t know! The year is 1977 and i am 14 years old. This run will last until i am arrested in Arizona with another run away who stole a motorcycle from his dad and bailed.. We ran into each other in Ocean Beach, he had a motorcycle and i had some hustle, a perfect match for street-life! My whole life has pretty much been like that. I am a College graduate with a street mentality. Go figure!

So it is raining and I am cold as fuck. I got some smokes and some money i stole from my mother. I light one up and think about what i am gonna do, actually i know what i am gonna do, i am  gonna wait till it gets daylight and then i am gonna go to the Plasma center in downtown San Diego and use my fake ID to sell some Plasma, then i will have some coin and i will figure out what i am gonna do next. Ha!.. actually i already know that too, i am gonna go to Ocean Beach and score some dope and just go where the high takes me. The 70’s in San Diego were wild and crazy and at the time it was what i was looking for, or should i say what i was escaping to! Drugs were every where and it was easy to find a place to crash, and being young i always had cash in my pockets cause people felt sorry for me when i pan-handled for change. I can’t remember what lies i told back then to get money but i am sure it was 100% bullshit. This run was a special one for me because the second night on the beach i met this chick who helped me to lose my virginity. I had a handful of ‘ludes and she had big tits.. again the perfect match! The funny or sad thing (depending how you look at it) was that it took longer for me to get my pants off then it too me to “get off!”, but she was willing to let me take another ride, which i did and then we went to this crash pad she had and drank wine and smoked pot. She was an older chick in her 20’s and she didn’t really have any hustle, but she was a chick and as long as she was willing to put out she could make it. I hung with her for about 2 weeks, i showed her how to make cash and she showed me how to fuck.. Ummm need i say it again? hell yes.. it was the perfect match!!! Things were going smoothly until she got busted crossing the border back into the U.S. With a shit load of heroin and quaaludes. I told her to put the rubber filled dope sack in her box and she only put it in her panties, and needless to say we got pulled into a search cause we walked across the bridge rather than bumming a ride. So she went to jail, and i went back to Ocean Beach, with all of my dope! I wandered around until i met the kid with the motorcycle. He was like 16 or 17 and he wanted to go to Arizona so we did! It didn’t take long till i was busted and then headed back to Los Angeles on an airplane.. It wasn’t my last run either.. i kept it up until i was 17.. then i got my first prison sentence.. Ahh but that is another story..

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While on one of my many all night web surfing binges I came across two Rule 62 videos. Years ago while I was in a state of wanna be rock stardom preparedness i was graced with meeting Brian Coakley and his then up and coming band Rule 62. For those of you who do not know who Brian Coakley or Rule 62 is; Brian was the guitarist and song writer of The Cadillac Tramps. After The Tramps broke up in the mid 90’s Brian started Rule 62. I won’t bore you with a long story, but suffice it to say that Rule 62 was one of the fucking hottest bands i have ever heard in my life.. While struggling to stay sober and bash out the rest of my life as it was at the time for me, Brian and the rest of of his band helped me shape the sound that would later be Liquid Pope. Needless to say Rule 62 got signed to Maverick Records, and for what ever the reason the record label totally fucked them off!!!! I fucking hate Madonna anyway, and after she left Brian high and fucking dry it reinforced my fucking hate for her and corporate music is general..Ummmm lets see while the world was killing brain cells and spending cash on bands like Alanis Morissette, Madonna, and Michell Branch maverick slowly ripped Rule 62 away from Madonna’s saging hind tit and threw them away like so much fucking trash.. all the while else where in the corporate music world bands like Blink-182 were progressivly ripping off and cashing in on the wanna be sounds of other local suck ass O.C. bands.. Any way here are 2 Rule 62 vids i found on AOL:

If you like these songs, then you will love Brian’s new band, WAXAPPLES (make sure you play the song “Changed My Mind” at the bottom of this post).  Teamed up with his Wife Jamie, WAXAPPLES hammers away with hard harmonic guitar riffs, a hangin 60’s surf sax, all twisted around the powerful O.C. sound that Was forged on stages like the Cuckoo’s, Nest, Club Mesa, and others.. With 2 powerful albums already out and a 3rd on the way you can rest assured that this isn’t another one of those fruity one hit wonder bands that spring up almost over night.. only fall off the face of the earth just as fast!!!!! And Brian Coakley isn’t this years winner of the look ma i can play guitar award either, he is a seasoned one of a kind song master with years of writing, playing and touring under under his belt, fuck if you still need more reasons to check out this band, then maybe you should save your cash for the next John Tesh album.. it is sure to be as exciting as shark fishing with your dick.. or playing ass darts at the Mine Shaft!!!!!!!! if you gotta ask, well then maybe you need to go home to mommy!!!!!!! Make sure you visit the WAXAPPLES site for upcoming club dates, news on the release of their 3rd album, and shit, while you’re there buy a fucking tee-shirt!!! inspiration isn’t cheap!!!!!!

 Changed My Mind [3:54] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

 What will they say of me after i die..

Will i be remembered
thought of fondly
or simple be forgotten
Will anyone shed a tear at my passing
or rejoice that i am now gone

What will be seen as my mark upon this earth
I haven’t done much for anyone
except myself
i live alone in my dark world
i used to live to drink and smoke
lie and steal

now i replace my real longings with work
grinding away at my laptop
all night
most of the day time hours too
Most of my bills are paid
and i am never hungry

for food

i try to live an upright honest life
but i still gain personal pleasure
lusting after women
high powered fancy ideas of wealth and fame

i am a fucking cheap-skate
but somehow find ways to waste money

What will they say of me after i die..

Will anything that i have done in my chaotic life
have positive impact on another
will any of the women i have known and loved
remember me and long for my embrace
or will only my ugliness be recounted and cursed

What will they say of me after i die..

will my dead body rot away into dust and obscurity
in some anonymous grave
or will at least one person miss me
and remember at least one of my few good deeds
or will my lonely existence be extended into death

alone

unloved

unwanted

forgotten

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