2 Spoons and Freedom!
I can remember it like it was yesterday…..
It’s about 8:30pm, I was staying at my moms house again, and I was trying not to get loaded….Shit, like that ever worked!
I am on my bed, and getting really sick… I missed my Methadone dose today….I forget why.
I fight it off, about an hour later I can’t handle it anymore, so I slide to the back door, and when my mom asks me where I am going, I tell her I am going to the store to get some smokes. I call a cab and sit on the bus bench at the corner, and all of a sudden I start puking my guts up….Actually, it is thick yellow bile, and it tastes like shit!!!!!
People are looking at me….. I worry about what they think for about 10 seconds, then I start puking again…..And then I don’t really give a fuck!
More yellow shit is dripping from my mouth and nose, and I don’t have anything to wipe if off with so I use the ground, The bench……….When is that cab gonna get here, fuck I am sick!!!! agggggghhhhhhhh more bile, and more people looking at me.. Fuck them I think to my self, then I scream it out loud to a passing car “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT???????” After what seems like forever, my stomach starts to relax, and I sit on the bus bench, slowly rocking back and forth, wishing the fucking cab would get here.
I was working, so I had a little money, and a good connection. Kurt usually had a issue or two at his place, and if not I would have to suck it up, and wait till his connection showed up. I should have known better, I was on 80 milligrams of Methadone a day, and shooting as much smack as I could get my hands on…..I was supposed to be getting clean, but it was easier to get on Methadone, than it was to kick one more time!!!!!
A junkies greatest fear is kicking “cold turkey”. The First day on the juice, I had to cop a dime bag to get me straight, and keep well until the the dose got into my bones. Within 2 weeks I was shooting dope again, and taking 80 milligrams of methadone a day.
Finally the cab is here!!!!!! It is a minivan, I get in the front… The lady looks at me with a mix of fear, and horror in her eyes,
I am sure I looked and smelled like shit. I tell her where I want to go, and she takes off! I light up a smoke, and she starts to say something, and I just ignore her. It is busy on the streets tonight, and all I want is to fucking get there now. My guts are rumbling, My mind is racing, the old feeling of anticipation is creeping up on me, as I feel the bile starting to rise up in the back of my throat again, fuck I hope I don’t puke in the cab!!
At last we’re there, I pay the woman, and get out, and rush over to Kurt’s garage, and slip under the partially opened door,
and squeeze past about 5 years of trash, broken toys, radios, and other crap that he had dug out of the trash!!!! As I make way to the bed where Kurt did all of his business, I saw this girl from the neighborhood, and she had a full syringe in her arm,and she is getting ready to slam that shit home!!! Stop I say!, sell me half of that, and I when my shit gets here I will hook you up real good! she knows me really well, we have scammed together before! There is blood in the rig she says, Fuck it I don’t care, I am sick as fuck I tell her. I throw $100.00 at Kurt, and say call your guy bro, I need to get well, and tell him to rush it!!!!
Kurt asks to use my cell phone, I throw it at him, and sit next to the girl as she shoots half of the shit in her arm. She hands me the rig, and I tie off… Fuck my blood pressure is really low, I hope I can find a vein!!! Shitttttttttttttttttttttttttttt, I can’t get this rat assed old ring into my only good vein!!! I ask the girl to hit me, she is really good at hitting me, and she can’t hit my vein either!! Hurry I tell her I am soooooo sick! After about 3 minutes she finds a vein in my ankle. She shoots that black warm death into me. I sit up and I am sweating like crazy, and I feel really bad, worse than I have ever felt before! I light up a smoke and I feel like I am gonna puke!!!!! Nothing happens.. I am still sick as fuck…….When is your guy gonna get here I bark at Kurt!!!! Kurt picks up my phone and calls his connection. He is almost here he says hanging up the phone. 5 minutes later the guy is in the garage, and handing off the shit to Kurt!
Kurt gives me the sack, and I open it and break off a small chunk and give it to him….. Thanks bro I say, as I hand the rest to the girl to cook up. Cook it all up I say, and she gets on it!!! Junkies never argue with some one who is getting them high, especially when they are dope sick!!! She has about 3 and a half grams of black tar heroin cooked, I draw up 3 quarters of it and tie off…… I am still feeling like shit, but I know that after this issue i will be feeling a whole lot better…… I work the old nasty needle into my arm, and get the vein on the first try.
As I slam the black evil Saviour into my vein, nothing else matters, time has stopped dead in it’s tracks………..
This fucking world could come to an end, and I could care less…. I have everything I need in this wore out rig in my arm….
and I can feel it start to work!!!!! OHHHHHHHH yes!!!! I work the rig out of my arm and toss it to the girl, and she cleans it with water, and then bleach…. then draws up what I left in the spoon. Peace and joy is glowing in the garage now…..I feel so good, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I am warm all over, and feeling so fine…… I light up a smoke, and drift into the normal junkie bullshit attitude, as I tell everyone in the garage about me puking on the bus bench, as if I was somehow now proud of what had transpired during my trip to this dank, musty, dirty garage.
We sit and tell each other the cool lies that junkies tell each other after they get right, and then I bum a ride to my moms house from one of the regulars at the garage. As I get closer to moms house I work up the lie I will tell her to cover up the truth………….
One more lie, and tomorrow 2 more spoons……………
