Razor Blades, Blisters and Time 2006 March

Archive for March, 2006

Flying the Creepy Skies

Published March 28th, 2006 in Random shit | No Comments »

Look up in the sky... it's a bird... it's a plane... no!!!!! It's a bunch of fucking Creeps!!!!
OK so here I am in Grand Rapids Michigan in a classy hotel getting ready to fly to California……..
So far it has been fun…. did a 3 hour road trip last night to get here…..and pretty much kicked it all last night and played with my new Ipod!!!!

2pm
OK I am checked in thru the security check point here at the Airport….. and I go to the Delta concourse and find a seat and whip out the laptop…..I am so excited and sad all at the same time! I am going to see my friends and celebrate my 3rd birthday with them, and I am planning to make an amends to Joan for my recent fucked up actions!!!!!! The whole time all i hear in my head is: “You can’t save your ass, and your face at the same time!!!!!!!!!!.” If you don’t know what that means then good!!!! but for people like me it means life or death!
I got my Ipod blasting and for what ever the reason all I can think about is; since I met Joan my life hasn’t been the same…..She doesn’t want me and for whatever the reason, I can’t get over it!!!!!!!….. now i feel like shit again……..I am gonna go find a seat at the end of the Delta Gate……then put my shades on and take a nap!!!!!!!

Beyond this world

Published March 25th, 2006 in She | No Comments »

Could she love me in another world?
Somewhere in the shadows I know she is out there, I feel her when my heart replays the tender moments we have shared together….
In my secret heart, there is longing to kiss her lips, to tell her how I have loved for her what seems an eternity
One touch, one caress, that could speak the words my mouth could never utter!
Still her aura lingers and I hear her speak to me…..The words of wanting, desire, passion and romance….Then crash down the ugly words of reality…..She doesn’t love me..I repulse her, And my name will never pass her lips as those of love!

Wearing the mask of another, I woe her gently, and she sings to my heart with her longing for such passion. She is weak and offers her heart. Her words expose her tenderness, her wanting… My heart is heavy…….. I know I must end this game and let her fall back into the miserable loneliness that has consumed us both so long ago………But my guise wears thin and she is soon gone in disgust!
Guilt, torment, and remorse plague my days……
My foolish heart….. Could I think to fool her so, to tempt her with the beautiful words of passion that forever no one has fulfilled, Could I touch her heart with romance, fool her with desires, The emotions she confessed to me long ago…..Could any one see her beauty as I do and long to hold her close as I do every night deep in my dreams??????
She is physically gone from my life now….. But when I close my eyes, when I think of her…. She appears and she loves me…..
I smell the sweet scent of her body, I can feel the softness of her touch….. Her warmth, and her words confess her heart…….
ummmm She loves me……
She loves me as long as I close my eyes and think of her somewhere beyond this world…………………………………………………….

Fading …..Faded…..Gone

Published March 16th, 2006 in She | No Comments »

Faded................. My memories blow past me like the wind from a stale room…….Each face and gesture reminds me of a tender moment I spent, and now know I will never get back.
Every where I turn I remember my past, and it haunts me to know the real ugly truth…… That dirty truth that we hide away and only take out of its smelly stained box late at night, when we are sure no one is looking……………You know, that low down truth that spits back at us the bile we so desperately need to know we’re no good, and there isn’t anything that we can do to change it!!!!!
Forwards and backwards, I remember the names of familiar face I see in my head and quietly wonder how they are doing…..The show plays on all night if I let it….In and out my shit bag radio gasps and moans the blasts from the past……I would change the station but they’re all the fucking same….Each speckled with her name…. Her voice, and I know it is just an imaginary plaything I use to help me sleep at night.
Still I talk to her like she was lying right be side me and I romance the thoughts…….
Then the awful reality kicks in and I am just as alone as the minute before and nothing is ever gonna change that.
Sometimes I wonder what is the real driving force behind a persons actions and ultimate destiny are… Did I miss a given opportunity some where on my filthy path????? Did I blow past the stop sign and not read the warning?????? Is this just a cosmic brain wreck that will cost me the actual future I was supposed to realize??????
Fuck it I mutter as I take that last deep breath before committing metal suicide and fall into another sleep…. I call it another sleep cause I don’t actually dream any more, or maybe I just don’t remember dreaming… But I know this…. If I am dreaming, it can’t be good…. It can’t!!!!!! because how could you dream something good and not ever feel good when you wake up or remember a small part of it???????? How can you pretend not to feel a bit of the those good feelings that come from dreaming the good dream????

Maybe because dreams are the reflections of whats in your heart????? Maybe stars are the beautiful eyes of the one you love…..
Could it be possible that after you sink so far down into the mire of ugly that all you have left are waking and not waking moments??????
Or is it just fading…….. Faded……………………………………………………………………………
gone??????????????