Razor Blades, Blisters and Time

No one to see the cosmic rejection
to laugh
there will be no gossiping in my head
while my sheets
are drenched with my oneness.

Caffeine and Nicotine are my comforters
words fumbling, meanings lost
almost all the same
only the names are changed.

I resign to the alarm clock
who’s warning signals the start or
end of another day.
who’s really counting though

I pull the blankets around me to ward off
the inevitable
somewhere in my neither sleep i call her name
and she speaks to me.
warm and promising.

in fever pitch i hold her
squeezing her tight against me
my words flowing to her
she hears my confession
but i am again fooled.

No one really knows who I am
most times i try not to care,
except late at night or after i catch a glimpse
of a fleeting moment from my past.

Fast forward to nowhere

Wake me up when we get there
I don’t want to spend too much time
in any one place,
I may get used to it,
and leaving is always harder.

Fast forward to nowhere

I don’t want to see another face smiling at me
it’s too hard to trust a stranger.
The sagging feeling that keeps me
going is all i really need.

Don’t tell me how you feel
if you knew how i felt you wouldn’t
talk to me anyhow.
Can’t we just use each other
to get what we need then go to sleep?

Fast forward to nowhere

what you see isn’t always
what you get,
and who you know don’t mean shit
at 4 O’Clock in the morning
when there’s a time bomb ticking in your head.

I’ll take the low road
if you’ll just forget the rest,
everybody’s got to be somewhere,
so i’ll be moving on..

I don’t expect anyone to stop by after business hours……
I have grown tired of hoping and dreaming, and it seems easier to
expect the obvious than to even fool myself into thinking I one day may
lead a normal life! Heh! I actually think that I have been all alone for so long now that
my worth to the opposite sex is rapidly diminishing…..
much like water evaporates; it slowly disappears until there is nothing left!

Tick Tock….. light up a cigarette,
Tick Tock….. drink some coffee, change on the the channel on the TV

On and on…. Time moves on and nothing has changed except I am one day closer to death!

At this particular low point, the megaphone of destiny bellows the haunting words of Joan….

“Pay Back is a mother fucker!”……. of my Mother…..”You’re going to die all alone and miserable!”…. and other random words of others i have had tucked away for untold years. I used to wish i could go back in time and start allover again.. thinking I would take back with me all of the hard learned lessons that insanity and stupidity have cut into me…. but i am sure that if i were to go back in time that nothing would change other than i would end up in the heap i presently call my life.