Razor Blades, Blisters and Time

  Who makes the rules
about who we are
if we will be happy, rich, poor
die all alone in the dark
or live with value and promise.
big or small, happy or sad.
Who makes the rules

or the first and last stage of despair.
I am living just to die
one breath at a time
inch by inch
step by step
frame by frame
in your own analysis.

this world owes me nothing,
and i struggle for all that i have
and in the small hours
Nothing matters as long as I believe it doesn’t
And how can i believe in such a worth
when all i have is trapped in my dirty memory tank.

one more ride.
who makes rules
and can i get $20 worth???

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 Don’t watch me as i again fumble towards nothing

Seems i’ll only do it again.

I didn’t sign up for this war

but i’ll keep fighting your war

without equality

without real freedom

in the dark places you don’t let your children play

but i am forced to live,

without support

or good doctors

enough money to pay my bills or food for my children.

what you lack in meeting my needs you make up with drugs

pills

booze

plaster my mind with limitless cool alcohol ads on TV

that make me look cool when i get fucked up.

Feed my need for escape with politically bourn drugs

and lies

and taxes

Tell me how you’re there for me and mine

it’s isn’t my war, but i am fighting

just to stay a few steps ahead of the axe.

Keep whispering in my ear that i am good enough

as you slip it in from behind again…..

It stopped hurting years ago.

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  Reaching out
out to no one.
late at night seems
the best time to be vulnerable.

I arise to the dank reality
of my alarm clock once more
and darkened by the reality
that no matter how tight i hold her
my bedding will never reciprocate.

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  Just one more time…….
I swear.

Fumbling for the works
excitement builds
my stomach is starting to feel better
I haven’t got any money,
haven’t eaten in days,
but right now i don’t care.

cotton, need a cotton
I am ready to take this ride.
Ecstasy races as i take it all home
the little voice deep inside asks me why,
fuck you i mutter
as my nourishment begins to do it’s job.

warmth and chemical peace invade me
it really isn’t as bad as it seems
i whisper to my little voice,
tomorrow it’ll be different,
i will stop tomorrow.

I swear

Too many yesterdays and only one tomorrow,
I haven’t seen tommorw so far,
but i only care when i am sick.

right now my little voice
isn’t talking to me.
so i light my last cigarette,
and get my works out.

I’m not gonna think about it right now
tomorrow will be different
just one more time
i will stop tomorrow………………….

I swear

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  Fast forward to nowhere

Fast forward to nowhere

Technorati Tags: fast forward to nowhere, the time bomb in my head, alone and getting used to it, The war in m head, life on the dark side of the moon, How can I tell you how I feel, if I can’t tell you my name!