Fading …..Faded…..Gone
My memories blow past me like the wind from a stale room…….Each face and gesture reminds me of a tender moment I spent, and now know I will never get back.
Every where I turn I remember my past, and it haunts me to know the real ugly truth…… That dirty truth that we hide away and only take out of its smelly stained box late at night, when we are sure no one is looking……………You know, that low down truth that spits back at us the bile we so desperately need to know we’re no good, and there isn’t anything that we can do to change it!!!!!
Forwards and backwards, I remember the names of familiar face I see in my head and quietly wonder how they are doing…..The show plays on all night if I let it….In and out my shit bag radio gasps and moans the blasts from the past……I would change the station but they’re all the fucking same….Each speckled with her name…. Her voice, and I know it is just an imaginary plaything I use to help me sleep at night.
Still I talk to her like she was lying right be side me and I romance the thoughts…….
Then the awful reality kicks in and I am just as alone as the minute before and nothing is ever gonna change that.
Sometimes I wonder what is the real driving force behind a persons actions and ultimate destiny are… Did I miss a given opportunity some where on my filthy path????? Did I blow past the stop sign and not read the warning?????? Is this just a cosmic brain wreck that will cost me the actual future I was supposed to realize??????
Fuck it I mutter as I take that last deep breath before committing metal suicide and fall into another sleep…. I call it another sleep cause I don’t actually dream any more, or maybe I just don’t remember dreaming… But I know this…. If I am dreaming, it can’t be good…. It can’t!!!!!! because how could you dream something good and not ever feel good when you wake up or remember a small part of it???????? How can you pretend not to feel a bit of the those good feelings that come from dreaming the good dream????
Maybe because dreams are the reflections of whats in your heart????? Maybe stars are the beautiful eyes of the one you love…..
Could it be possible that after you sink so far down into the mire of ugly that all you have left are waking and not waking moments??????
Or is it just fading…….. Faded……………………………………………………………………………
gone??????????????
