Flash back to the past!
This entry is from Blogger posted 7/7/2005
OK it is like 1:15 in the morning, I been bullshitting around most of the day…..I made some phone calls for my hosting business, and got started on a data extraction project for one of my customers. That was easy….My motto is ” He who has the most software is probably a fucking geek” Money has been tight for a while, since I moved up here I have been building my business, and most people here are gun shy since most of the tech here are fucking lamers. Anyway I haven’t talked to my mom in a few days, so I called her up… I gotta tell you she is sure proud of me being sober this long. So were talking about my latest customers, and she asked me what I did for the 4th of July.. Then we got to talking about when I was kid and my dad was still alive, I could taste the sadness in her voice…. It has been over 35 years since my dad died, and you can tell from her voice that she misses him more than words will ever be able to describe!!!! and then I kinda drift off with her as she tells me how we spent the 4th… I would go with my dad to stake out the Picnic spot, and then my mom would show up and bring all the goodies she had prepared for the day…….
Then me and dad would go off and look at stuff….I can almost remember the park … It was called Salt Lake Park…… And you gotta remember that in the last 60’s the parks were clean, and always full of festive family events…So me and Pop were roaming around and see all the cool stuff… I think there was a carnival there too…..She tells me how I was so excited about the skydiver that dived at the park… Then my dad took me to see the exhibit they had set up for him!!!!!!!!! Just as I was there, all of 6 years old and full of life, me and pop, then dirty reality I have lived in for most of my life comes ozzing back…… Then I feel like shit for every fucking thing I ever did to hurt my mom, and then I wish I was the one that had died instead of my dad……I think that it would be easier to have another kid and then my baby sister would have had a dad, since she was only 4 when he died!!!!!!!!!! I was little monster anyway….. Heh!!!!!
So we talk some more and all I want to do is get off the phone and forget the conversation. My dad was a hard working honest man…
He only lived to be 29, and after he died every person who ever knew him only had good things to say about him!!!
Being I have been a 100% loser for most of life, it makes me wonder why good people always seem to get the shitty end of the stick, and the scum bags get off scott free most of the time. I tell you I have skated out of some fucking insane situations, and my dad get killed just trying to put food on the table for his family!!!!!
………………….. More later
