Sometimes you just gotta say FUCK!!!!
This entry is from Blogger posted 7/8/2005
I been working my ass off, lately as long as I can pay my bills I feel good about being kinda broke!!!!
I just finished a data extraction job I had, and I called the customer and I was able to up-sell him on a remote data back up solution! yes!
So like my bills are all paid, and that left me with a little over $250.00 for the month and to put towards next months bills. I was feeling froggy, and I was hungry as hell, so I decided to order a pizza. I had a few contact management entries to make, I got a drink of water and was going to finish the CRM entries then order the pie… Bout the time I finished the reports my mom called and said she was going shopping, and she was going to stop at Taco Bell on the way back and did I want something? yes I replied, and she said she would get me a couple of those new burrito supreme’s. Being on tight money for the last few months, my idea of a treat was more like baloney supreme’s. So settled back into to working on my business blog, and about an hour later the phone rings and it is my mom saying she is on her way to my house and she bought me a few things while she was at the store…..I didn’t think much of it, I know she is on tighter money than I am, being disabled from a bad accident a few years back, she lives on under $600.00 a month in SSI, and $140.00 in food stamps. So mom gets to my house and I hear her close her car door from my patio, so I go to the door, and she has like 4 large grocery bags in her hand and take then thinking this is what she got at the store for herself. Oh No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she went and did her shopping and then spent an extra $40.00 to get me stuff. It hits me really hard, for most of my life, I have done nothing but lied, abused, and stole from my mother, and no matter what a shit heal I am she still loves me…….I should be the one who is buying her things, and all I think about is, I better start making a shit load of money so I will be able to take of my mom when she is to old to take care of her self!!!!!!!!!
I am not one on preaching, but if you’re on drugs, or know someone who is, then get help, for you or them!!!!!! I have been lucky, even though I been to jail, prison and had some really fucked up experiences, I never had the really wicked shit you read about happen to me, I have had girlfriends who were raped, friends who got killed trying to score drugs on the street, and I know dozens of people who are doing life in prison right now!!!!!!……………………….I used to think I was in control and that I could handle it!!!
I am no fucking wimp, I been stabbed, shot by the cops, and had the living shit kicked outa me many times, all for the street life!!! heh! fuck that……………………….. now every time I remember all the fucked up things I did to my family, total strangers, all for drugs….. Well the guilt haunts me…. I know lots of people who are still doing drugs and they don’t care…. God help them!!!!!
nuff said… I guess I really hurt inside for all the wrong I have done in these 42 years……………..
Late
